Ranma Saotome: International Man of Mystery
by ContraBardus
Summary: Super spies, irresistible to women, stronger and faster than any man, and genius intellect. Based on a movie starring Bill Murray.
1. Default Chapter

It was a cold afternoon day, snow fell gently from the sky, landing   
on the ground, but melting before it could cover it. Winter had come to   
Japan after a long summer.   
  
The home was stotic, almost serene in its presence. It loomed over   
the neighborhood as a proud testament to its age and tradition. It was   
two stories tall, with a smaller building at its side, a dojo.   
  
A shadowy figure moved along the side of the wall, hugging it   
tightly. His objective was still out of sight. He frowned and narrowed   
his eyes as he glanced around at his surroundings. It was quiet, too   
quiet.   
  
His breath became visible as he exhaled and moved silently through   
the yard. His footsteps leaving no indication that he had ever passed   
by. Lightly he hopped into another set of shadows along the outer wall   
of the home, around the corner; an empty porch stood in his way. A   
creaky board could give him away if he was not cautious. He would have   
to tread lightly in order to complete his objective.   
  
He steeled his will frowning deeply as he concentrated and jumped   
onto the wooden floor without so much as a whisper of a sound. He   
relaxed as the wood held firmly, not giving his presence away. Slowly he   
edged along the wall, smoke billowing from the open door to the porch.   
  
"There," he muttered to himself. He quickly berated himself for   
uttering the noise and crouched low as he peered around the corner into   
the home. It was now in sight, a door on the second floor.   
  
Glancing around he started forward; this was the most dangerous   
phase of his operation. "I'm gonna make it," he thought to himself   
confidently. "Just across this room, and I should..."   
  
"RANMA! There you are!"   
  
Ranma Saotome stood in the middle of the Tendo home with his jaw   
hanging down. "Um...I've got to go..."   
  
"Where? I worked hard on this!" cried Akane as she shoved a plate of   
something unidentifiable into his chest.   
  
"It's pretty far. It'll take me all day to get there..." replied the   
boy as he glanced around for any help he could find. Everyone else had   
already vacated the area. "Crap."   
  
"What? You haven't even tried it yet!" snarled Akane as she started   
to burn with anger.   
  
"No! I wasn't talkin about that junk!" cried the pigtailed boy   
defensively.   
  
It was far too late though; his comment had sent the girl over the   
edge. Her fist flew unhindered by the concoction in her grip and stars   
suddenly flooded his vision. Then all went black.   
  
Flames jumped up from the darkness, dancing hypnotically for a   
moment before moving back into the distance.   
  
Carrot Productions Presents...   
  
A strange music filled the air; strings and electric guitars as it   
slowly built into something stronger. The flames jumped up with the   
sound, exploding into a violent dance as it peaked.   
  
A Fanfic By Carrot Glace...   
  
A silhouette of a woman in the nude seemed to crawl out of nothing,   
her black form dancing against the shadows. She writhed seductively as   
another appeared beside her.   
  
In cooperation with Non-existent pictures...   
  
A husky sounding female vocalist began singing lyrics in a language   
that he couldn't understand as the two women's dance melted into each   
other, creating a single larger silhouette. She turned to the side,   
revealing a small firearm.   
  
In Association with...well, no one really...   
  
Her dance changed and she split into two again, both of them facing   
off in a martial arts dance against the fiery backdrop. They began to   
imitate martial arts in their dance, slowly kicking and punching at one   
another.   
  
Starring Ryoga Hibiki.   
  
A judo flip pushed one of the women off screen, and the other   
started to dance again, this time pulling a staff from nowhere. She   
began a kata.   
  
Akane Tendo.   
  
Finally, she spun around into a kick, and a ball of flames rushed   
into the air behind her as the lyrics to the song peaked.   
  
And Ranma Saotome as...   
  
The flames rushed up again, consuming everything.   
  
Ranma Saotome, International Man of Mystery.   
  
++++++++++++   
  
Somewhere in China...   
  
"So, Saffron has been defeated?" said the shadowy figure that sat at   
the head of the table. In his lap was a small dog, a Chihuahua that   
growled angrily as it stared forward fearlessly at the man kneeling to   
the figure shrouded in shadows.   
  
"Yes, a boy has destroyed the godling," said the man as he looked up   
at his master. He was wearing a fez cap and had a long scar running down   
his right eye. He was Arabic, but his build was huge. He had a mouth   
full of metal and one of his arms ended in a nasty looking hook.   
  
"A...boy?"   
  
"Yes, his name is Ranma Saotome, he is very skilled," replied the   
man.   
  
"This Ranma Saotome, find out about him," snarled the darkness   
shrouded man hatefully as he gripped the dog's neck. The animal yipped   
in terror and whimpered. "Mr. Tacobeal is not happy with this. Saffron   
was to lead us into a new age, an age where we ruled all. Our agreement   
with his people us useless without the godling."   
  
"Of course, I shall investigate," said the man as he bowed his head   
low again.   
  
"Of course you will," replied the man coldly. He turned his chair   
away and frowned thoughtfully as he stroked his chin. "Could it be? A   
mere human defeated Saffron. Project Sakuragami could have been more   
successful than they had thought! I must be sure!"   
  
"Project Sakuragami?" asked the Arabic man in confusion.   
  
"Why are you still here?" snapped the shadowy figure as his fist   
slammed into the arm of his chair.   
  
"Forgive me!" cried the man as he shuffled off fearfully.   
  
"Yes! That must be it!" said the shadowy figure. "Well, it seems I   
may have a worthy opponent at last!"   
  
++++++++++++++++++   
  
Ranma sat up and looked around. He was lying face down in the yard   
of the Tendo dojo and had just woken up from the weirdest dream. "I   
don't think those dancing chicks had any clothes on..." he muttered to   
himself as he put his hand against his head and shook it for a moment.   
With a swift fluid motion, he kicked his feet out and jumped upright.   
"Man, that was a weird dream."   
  
"Aiya! Airen!" cried a familiar voice as he was promptly sent back   
to the ground on his face. This time, a bicycle wheel was embedded into   
the back of his head. "Shampoo bring too too delicious ramen for you!"   
  
"Hey, great!" said the boy cheerfully despite his injuries. "Akane   
cooked again, I'm starved!"   
  
"What? Akane cooked?!" snarled a familiar voice. "How dare you say   
that about Akane! Ranma! Prepare to die!"   
  
The pigtailed youth looked up and blinked. "Hey, if you want some   
I'm sure she's still got it Ryoga."   
  
That stopped the lost boy in his tracks. "Sorry, I've got somewhere   
to be. I'll punish you for that later Saotome." He turned away and   
shuffled off rather quickly. Before he vanished he turned to look at   
Ranma. "Where is the Unryuu farm?"   
  
"Ranma! What do you think you're doing?" snapped Akane as she   
appeared out of the home and saw him standing with Shampoo.   
  
The boy shoved the empty bowl into the Amazon's hands and looked at   
her, trying to think quickly. For once, his brain actually seemed to   
work. "I was tryin to tell ya! I promised to take Ryoga to Akari's place   
today!"   
  
"You did?" said Ryoga in surprise.   
  
"Yeah, I did, Porky," growled Ranma.   
  
If Ryoga was smarter, he would have turned against the boy and   
explained that it was a lie to Akane. He wasn't though, and he took it   
at face value. "Oh. That was nice of you."   
  
"Come on, we should go," said Ranma as he grabbed the boy by his arm   
and pulled him away.   
  
Shampoo and Akane blinked, looked at each other, and turned back to   
whatever it was they were doing before Ranma showed up.   
  
"I'll get it this time for sure!" said Akane as she walked into the   
kitchen. She walked by Kasumi, and the girl shook her head with barely   
hidden tears of remorse in her eyes. It was too bad, she had liked that   
set of pots and pans.   
  
Shampoo jumped upright suddenly and hopped onto her bicycle. "Aiya!   
Shampoo is being late with delivery!"   
  
++++++++++++   
  
Ranma and Ryoga walked through the streets of Nerima a short time   
later. It had barely even been a month since the whole wedding mess had   
ended, and things were going back to the dreary normality that was   
Nerima.   
  
"Are you sure this is the way?" asked Ryoga irritably.   
  
"Yes, now keep quiet and follow me! I don't get lost like you!"   
snapped Ranma as he glanced back at the boy.   
  
"I'm not that bad!" cried Ryoga irritably.   
  
"Yeah you are, now pipe down and don't wander off," grumbled Ranma.   
  
++++++++++++++   
  
Fate had its hand in things that day. A black car rolled up behind   
the pair. The window rolled down to reveal a slight shining from the   
back seat. A lens.   
  
"I've found them," said the Arabian man with a slight chuckle.   
  
Little did he know, that he was being followed as well.   
  
+++++++++++   
  
It was a tiny two-seater car, a blue Toyota. Cramped inside were a   
pair of leather clad individuals with shades. They turned to face each   
other. One of them was a Japanese woman with long black hair. Her   
companion was a rather skinny looking Japanese man with slicked back   
hair.   
  
"It's him," said the woman coldly.   
  
"Yes, that's Otto all right," agreed the man with a small frown.   
"What's he doing in Japan?"   
  
"I don't know, it's nice to be home again though," replied the woman   
calmly. "He seems to be watching that boy. I wonder if he has something   
to do with the Phoenix Project?"   
  
"We don't even know what that is," said the man with a rough   
sounding snort.   
  
"They're moving again, they're definitely following them."   
  
+++++++++++++   
  
"There they are! Keep going!" snarled Otto as he shoved the driver   
in the back of his head.   
  
"Yessir," grumbled the man irritably. He was a well-built Japanese   
man, who was obviously not used to this sort of treatment.   
  
"What are they doing?"   
  
"I don't know sir," replied the man.   
  
+++++++++++++   
  
"Take that back!" cried Ryoga angrily. He charged forward with his   
hand extended in a punch that shattered a nearby wall.   
  
"Oh cut it out ya jerk! I'm bein nice today!" snapped Ranma as he   
jumped over the strike.   
  
"How dare you say that! You just lied to Akane to get out of eating   
her cooking!"   
  
"I'm sorry I told ya now! Jeez, I'm takin you aren't I?" grumbled   
Ranma as he landed opposite the enraged boy in a defensive stance.   
  
"I am not a tool for your own needs Saotome!" cried Ryoga angrily as   
he struck the ground with his finger. A huge dust cloud exploded with   
shards of the pavement mixed into it.   
  
The pair jumped over a wall and continued their battle. Both of them   
oblivious to the world around them.   
  
++++++++++++   
  
Otto cursed as he stepped out of his car and stared at the hood. A   
huge chunk of concrete was now embedded into the front end, rendering it   
inoperable. "Damn! They knew we were following them! You fool!"   
  
The man driving was merely sitting there with a scowl on his face.   
"Yes sir."   
  
"Those bastards! Call another car! I've got to report this," he   
growled as he opened the door and climbed back into the rear again.   
  
The man hummed cheerfully to himself as he did so, glad to be rid of   
him.   
  
++++++++++++   
  
"They eluded him," said the woman as she pushed her shades up her   
nose and frowned.   
  
"Who were they?" asked the man.   
  
"I don't know, but we should find out," said the woman.   
  
"Yes, we should," agreed the man calmly as he put the car into gear   
and drove off. It puttered loudly and backfired a few times as it   
crawled away into the city.   
  
+++++++++++++   
  
Meanwhile, just outside Nerima...   
  
"Are you through yet? We're almost there," snapped Ranma irritably   
as Ryoga tossed another boulder at him.   
  
"Huh? We are?" said the lost boy as he stopped his attack and   
paused.   
  
Ranma pointed to a sign that showed the direction to the farm.   
"See."   
  
"Oh, I can find it from here," said Ryoga as he turned to walk in   
the wrong direction.   
  
"Oh no you don't. Last time I let you do that you came back all mad   
at me for tricking you into going the wrong way. I'm takin you all the   
way this time."   
  
"Fine," grumbled Ryoga as Ranma grabbed the back of his collar.   
  
"Come on, let's go see the Pig Queen," said the pigtailed boy.   
  
"What? How dare you!" cried Ryoga.   
  
"She asked me to call her that remember?" snorted Ranma irritably.   
  
"Oh...yeah..." grumbled Ryoga as his anger faded. "You'd better   
watch it though! I won't allow you to insult Akari that way!"   
  
"Yeah, yeah," muttered Ranma as he continued to walk.   
  
+++++++++++   
  
A short time later, inside a Laundromat...   
  
The two figures in leather stepped inside the stock room and closed   
the door behind them. A stairway opened in front of them and they walked   
forward in perfect unison, neither looking at the other as they removed   
their shades.   
  
At the bottom of the stairs was a huge computer. Its screen was   
about eight feet wide, and a large panel of buttons was below it. Two   
chairs slid up from the floor, and the pair sat down.   
  
"Ah, welcome. Sakura, Okami, it is good to hear from you again," an   
old man appeared before them on the screen with a pleasant smile on his   
face. He was Japanese as well, and a large office could be seen behind   
him with various technicians walking around behind him.   
  
"As it is you," said the woman with a small smirk.   
  
"We have a report Ma," said the man.   
  
"We already have it on file," said Ma. "We took it from the video   
records of your vehicle."   
  
"Good," said Sakura as she nodded.   
  
"Any ID on that boy?" asked Okami.   
  
"Ranma Saotome, son of a poor martial artist, and a woman who has   
ties with a lower class noble family. Nothing of any real importance."   
  
"It's important enough to send Otto after him," said Sakura with a   
frown forming on her face.   
  
"Yes, Pei we suspect," said Ma.   
  
Okami looked down at the console for a moment and pushed a few   
buttons. "Any relation to Project Phoenix you think?" A small screen   
with a readout of the information they knew appeared beside the man's   
head on the screen.   
  
"Possibly, we have no information on that. The Chinese Government   
has been less than cooperative with us."   
  
"What else is new," said Sakura with a rough snort.   
  
"In any case, we must find out what Pei sees in this boy. Find out   
what he wants him for, and don't let him get it."   
  
"Right," said Okami coolly. "Pei won't get his hands on him. We'll   
make sure of that."   
  
"Good, do what you can," said Ma as the screen went black.   
  
"It could be a distraction," said Sakura as she turned to stare at   
her partner.   
  
"It could also be important, we need to be sure," said Okami. "I   
doubt if it's a distraction. You saw what that boy did. He had some kind   
of explosives on him. They may be rouge operatives. We may be able to   
get some useful information from them."   
  
Sakura nodded and stared at the blank screen for a moment. "True,   
they could be. Or they could be something else."   
  
"We'll just have to find out, won't we?" said Okami as he grinned at   
her.   
  
+++++++++++++   
  
"They escaped you?" said the shadowy figure on the small screen   
inside Otto's car.   
  
"Yes, they disabled my vehicle and used some sort of smoke screen,"   
said the man as he scowled angrily.   
  
"So, my suspicions seem correct. It seems Project Sakuragami was   
more successful than I had thought. Our data tells us his name is Ranma   
Saotome, find him."   
  
"What is this project?" asked Otto as he frowned at the screen.   
  
"Heh, super spies my dim witted friend. Irresistible to women,   
stronger and faster than any man, and genius intellect. The perfect   
human weapon."   
  
"What should I do when I find him?"   
  
"Bring them to me," said the man as the screen went black.   
  
"That could prove difficult," said Otto as he scowled and sat back   
away from the screen. "Then again, it could be fun!" He grinned, and his   
teeth shined against the minimal light in the vehicle.   
  
"Take me to Nerima. I've got work to do," he said to the driver.   
  
It was a different man, but he appeared to be in the same situation.   
"Whatever."   
  
+++++++++++++   
  
Nabiki Tendo wasn't having a very good day. She frowned as she   
looked around the home. Akane had given up on cooking when the 'food'   
had eaten the wooden spoon she was using to stir it. Kasumi was crying   
softly as she killed it and tried to regain some sort of control over   
her favorite room in the home, and Ranma was gone for a while. The   
Unryuu farm was a fair distance away, but he'd be back by this evening.   
  
All that meant one thing. Nabiki was bored.   
  
She sighed and stared at the television with a straw in her lips as   
she sipped at her soda.   
  
The silence was broken as a knock came on the door. She sat upright   
and blinked. Looking up at the clock she noticed it was too early for   
Ranma to have returned. Kasumi hadn't heard it either and she stood up.   
  
"I guess I haven't got anything better to do," she thought to   
herself as she stood up to get it.   
  
She pulled the door open and blinked at the huge figure standing   
there. "Huh?"   
  
The man glared down at her, a tiny fez hat resting on his hair.   
"Where is the toilet? Ranma Saotome!" he said firmly.   
  
"What?" said Nabiki dumbly as she noticed his metal teeth.   
  
The man blinked for a moment and opened a small book. He glanced   
down at it for a moment and coughed. "Where is Ranma Saotome?"   
  
"Um...he's not here," said Nabiki.   
  
The man stared at her for a long moment and frowned. He sighed and   
scratched his head before flipping through the pages looking for the   
phrase she had just used.   
  
Nabiki rolled her eyes and leaned against the doorway.   
  
"Repeat please?" he said as he looked up at her again.   
  
She sighed and put out her hand. "Two thousand yen."   
  
The man stared at her dumbly and looked at her hand for a moment.   
"What?"   
  
She cocked her eyebrow and continued to stare at him.   
  
"I'm Otto."   
  
"If you want English, Two Thousand Yen," she replied to his   
introduction in English.   
  
The man stared at her. "Where is Ranma Saotome?" he repeated in   
English.   
  
"Nani?"   
  
"Answer my question!"   
  
"Sumimasen?" said Nabiki with a cold looking smirk on her face. Her   
hand was still extended.   
  
The man sighed and pulled out his wallet after a short battle of   
wills. "Very well. I don't feel like torturing you, and I'm in a hurry."   
  
"He left a few hours ago, why do you want him?" asked the girl as   
she frowned at him.   
  
"I think he'll come to me," said the man as he smirked at her.   
  
Nabiki stepped back with a surprised gasp as he grabbed her arm and   
covered her mouth.   
  
"Heh," chuckled Otto as the chloroform rag in his hand knocked the   
girl out.   
  
+++++++++++++++   
  
Ranma Saotome had been home for several hours. "Hey, it's gettin   
kinda late."   
  
Akane looked up from the TV with a frown on her face. "You're right.   
Nabiki should be back by now."   
  
"Maybe I should go look for her?" asked Ranma as he looked over at   
where Soun and Genma were playing shogi.   
  
"Nabiki is gone?" muttered Soun dumbly.   
  
"Yes, she's been gone a while now," said Kasumi as she fretted about   
it worriedly.   
  
"You know how she is, she'll be back soon," scoffed Genma.   
  
"She left a note, but I can't read it," said Kasumi as she held out   
a small letter.   
  
Ranma took it and stared at it for a moment.   
  
"What does it say?" asked Akane.   
  
Ranma's face was hard, a cold scowl as he stared at her seriously.   
  
"Is something wrong?" gasped Akane as she rushed over to his side.   
  
"I don't know, I can't read it," replied the boy as he continued to   
stare at her. "It's English."   
  
Akane belted him upside his head. "Jerk! Don't scare me that way!"   
She took the note away and stared at it for a moment. "I can't read it   
either."   
  
Soun and Genma were perplexed.   
  
"I don't have a clue," said Genma.   
  
"Quite so Saotome," agreed Soun.   
  
"Oh my. I hope she's all right," said Kasumi.   
  
"I thought you were passin English?" said Ranma as he stared at   
Akane.   
  
"Dope! I've only taken Freshman English! This is..." she stared at   
it again. "Something about a meeting I think. I think this says she's   
not coming back. I'm not sure. This looks like an address down here."   
  
"Maybe she's stayin with a friend tonight?" said Ranma as he thought   
about it.   
  
"You're probably right," agreed Akane.   
  
"Oh! I'm so relieved!" gasped Kasumi.   
  
"Well, it was nothing to worry about after all!" said Kasumi   
cheerfully.   
  
"Why would she leave it in English?" asked Ranma.   
  
"I dunno, you know how she is," said Akane as she shrugged.   
  
The boy turned away and headed towards the stairs. "I'm goin to bed   
then. She'll be at school tomorrow, I'm pretty sure."   
  
"I guess so," said Akane as she put the note on the table.   
  
++++++++++++++   
  
"They're late!" growled Otto as he glared at the door of the hotel   
room in frustration.   
  
"You did leave a note didn't you?" asked Nabiki. She was tied to a   
chair and glaring at the wall irritably.   
  
"Of course I did!" snapped the man.   
  
"I am so going to make you pay for making me wait like this, Ranma,"   
she muttered angrily.   
  
"Quiet down!" snarled Otto.   
  
"I'm hungry, if you're going to drag me all this way, you could at   
least be nice enough to feed me!" said the girl as she turned her head   
towards him and frowned.   
  
Otto stared at her and sighed. "I suppose you're right. I could use   
something to eat right about now."   
  
"Good, I know a great place that delivers nearby!" said the girl as   
she smiled at him.   
  
"I hate Asian food, I'm calling this place," he said as he snorted   
at her. "All that fish gives me the runs."   
  
"Well, aren't you pleasant?" snorted Nabiki. She had been hoping to   
get him to call the Cat Cafe, or the Ucchan and call in a favor or two.   
  
"You'll eat it or go hungry," he replied as he turned his back to   
her and started to dial.   
  
Nabiki sighed and hung her head as she played with the knots on her   
wrists. "Akane is never going to let me live this down," she muttered in   
Japanese.   
  
"Speak English, or I'll break your jaw kid," snorted Otto as he   
glanced back at her. He placed a pair of brass knuckles on the small   
table beside the bed he was sitting on.   
  
Nabiki cursed under her breath. She didn't doubt it.   
  
Finally, he hung up the phone and stared at her. "Are you sure they   
want you back? They were supposed to be here four hours ago."   
  
"I'll get them for this too," she seethed angrily.   
  
"I'm bored," said the man as he sighed.   
  
Nabiki blinked at this and stared at him. "Hey...you got a deck of   
cards on you?"   
  
The man stared at her for a moment.   
  
++++++++++++++   
  
TBC...   
  
Next Time: Are you sure she's missing? 


	2. Chapter 2

Ranma Saotome International Man of Mystery

File 2

I'd gladly die again Tuesday, to live again today.

OoooOOooOO

Nabiki Tendo frowned as the man she'd spent the entire night playing cards with glared at her. She had a sizable pile of plastic poker chips, most of his cash, and a watch. He was giving her a disgruntled glare and was tapping his hand against the lapel of his jacket.

"That was fun. Can I go now? I'm not really all that important to him really. He just lives at my house because his dad is friends with mine." The girl didn't look very frightened.

"Sorry, just letting you go would be foolish at this point." The man snorted. "I don't think your friend is coming for you. Too bad." He scraped a few shavings off the tabletop with his hook as he leaned in towards her.

"Well, that depends on how reasonable you want to be." The girl was sweating bullets, but putting up a valiant effort to keep her composure.

"Sorry kid. It's almost noon. I'm thinking I should just shoot you and go back to my room, catch a bit of rest." The rotund man smiled in a very unpleasant way, the scar on his face curved as he held up a silenced pistol and pointed it at her forehead. "I didn't expect him to be quite so cold blooded. Considering what I know of him, I should have." He stood in front of the window beside the door and set his feet as he looked her dead in the eyes and cocked the hammer back.

"Hey! It's open!" Ranma Saotome opened the door as far as the hinges would go as he burst into the room and looked around with a frown on his face. "Look! I told you! She's just fine!" He turned his head and glared at Akane.

The girl was standing just outside the door with a somewhat stunned expression on her face. There was broken glass on the walkway, and a tall portly man with very tanned skin was rushing away. "Huh? What the?" It looked like he'd been knocked through.

"Now what?" The pigtailed boy seemed annoyed and had his hands on his hips. "Jeeze. All this worrying over nuthin!"

The middle Tendo sister was sitting with a rather blank expression on her face and looking at the broken glass. She hadn't even noticed the door hit the man in the face, but his departure was hard to miss. Her eyes were wide and her skin was pale, she didn't move for a very long moment.

"Nabiki?! We were worried about you! What are you doing here?" Akane grabbed the boy and pulled him over by his arm next to her sister.

"Yeah. What the heck are ya doin here anyway?" Ranma seemed to realize they were standing in a seedy hotel room.

Nabiki blinked and started putting the cash and watch into her pockets. "Did you find the note?"

The younger girl blushed a bit. Her fiancee turned his head away with his arms crossed.

"What?" The older girl seemed irate. "Did the panda eat it?"

"You shouldn't leave us notes in English. You know I've only just started this year. Kasumi never did well, and Dad can't remember either." Akane spoke in a quiet tone and looked a bit meek and annoyed. She had her arms crossed and was looking away with her eyes.

The older girl's face fell a little as she seemed to think about it. "Well...I..." She had no idea what to say to them. "You idiots! I got kidnapped! Some jerk looking for him!" She turned her eyes on the pigtailed boy and grabbed his shirt as she became very angry in an instant. "Who the hell was that guy?"

"Huh?" The boy was giving her a rather blank expression.

"He knew you, and you'd better remember fast. I can't believe you! Dragging me into this now? I'm not going to stand for it!" She had both fists full of his shirt and was almost lifting him off his feet. "I know it's not possible for you to remember everyone you've insulted Saotome, but you'd better get this one fast!"

"What the heck are you talkin about!?" The boy was afraid and panicked.

"Yeah!?" Akane was unsure of what to do. Ranma did deserve a good beating for whatever it was, but she wasn't expecting her sister to be able to handle it so well.

"He said he knew something about you! He had a gun you jerk! I don't think he's looking for a fight!" The older girl was frothing at the mouth and shaking the unfortunate and confused boy by his neck at that point.

"I don't know nuthin!" He pushed off the wall and out of her grip long enough to dash out the door.

"Ranma! You'd better have some answers!" Nabiki rushed out after him and shouted at his retreating form while shaking her fist.

"What on earth?" Akane was looking muddled and poking her fingers together. "Are you all right? Did you say something about a gun?"

"I'm fine." The middle girl shuddered for a moment as she lowered her fist and looked at the pavement. "That guy was after Ranma. Akane, this could be dangerous. That guy had a gun."

"We should call the police then." The younger girl frowned at her older sister.

"Not till we know what's going on. He said he knew something about Ranma. Some reason he wouldn't care much if I died. I don't know if it's true or not, but I mean to find out." Nabiki clenched her fist and looked quite determined. "I don't care what kind of torture I have to use to do it either. Ranma Saotome, you'll regret the day you dragged me into this crap as if I was my sister!"

"What?" Akane looked a bit insulted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

OoooOOooOO

Ranma landed on a sidewalk after taking a few rooftops to distance himself from the irate females. It was a conditioned response he'd grown to hate. Pretty girls made him nervous, somehow it always ended up being painful. "Man, crazy chicks."

"Ranma! There you are! You'll suffer for what you've done! You lost Akane's sister, you irresponsible jerk!"

"Ryoga? Hey? Nabiki's fine. I just saw her." The pigtailed boy didn't look frightened as the enraged Hibiki boy pointed his finger at him.

"What?" The lost boy's finger curved down towards the pavement. "Drat. I've got nothing to be angry at Ranma about right now. Watch yourself, Saotome." He turned and started walking away.

"The jerk. Does he even know he just said that out loud?" Ranma had stiffened up and was clenching his jaw with his fist balled up. He gave a small sigh and let his anger go. He didn't get off so easy with Ryoga often.

The pair was standing off in the middle of the street, and Ryoga took a shot to his back as a portly gaijin on a scooter drove right over him while looking over his shoulder behind him.

Ranma stuck his arm and knocked the man off the bike, letting it go by. "Ya know, I might not like Ryoga much, but drivin like that just ain't safe." The pigtailed boy cracked his knuckles and glared down at the man.

"What? Impossible!" The man who kidnapped Nabiki was looking up at him. The scar down the left side of his face under his eye was drawing and funneling the sweat from his face. His jaw was slack and a few sparks flew from his hook as he slashed at the boy and got to his feet.

The boy just grabbed the arm and pushed him on his way, expecting him to fall on his face after stumbling.

What happened the boy wasn't expecting. The man caught his balance after about ten steps and turned with a pistol in his grip just before he did. He was still leaning and running as he fired and picked up his bike.

Ranma's masculine brain understood what a bullet might do to even his well muscled form. He dove for cover behind a nearby alley way wall. "No way! That jerk is a criminal!" He realized he'd felt the air shift by his body and head as he jumped and stretched himself out to roll onto the concrete behind a small store. He heard glass breaking, and the sound of the small engine starting up.

"No kidding." Ryoga was sitting next to him with a frown on his face.

Ranma was very angry. "That jerk isn't getting off just cause he's got a gun." He started up a fire escape towards the roof.

"Are you crazy?" Ryoga was right behind him. "Let the police deal with him."

"Nobody shoots at me and gets off you jerk! Are you commin or not?"

Ryoga got a rather surprised expression on his face. "Why not. I've got nothing better to do. I'm not really looking for anything right now."

Ranma's face fell a little as he started running and jumping along side the boy across the buildings. It would take them a bit to catch up, but there was only one way to the main road that would lead him out of the suburb from where they were. "R-really?"

"Don't you have something to take care of. I'm just here to bail you out if you only almost get yourself killed." Ryoga snorted and moved a bit ahead. "There he is." The man had slowed his pace and was watching where he was going. He was more relaxed thinking he'd escaped.

Ranma nodded as he slowed down to stop at a signal light just below them. He hopped down on top of the light and spun himself right into the man's face, sending him off the bike and onto his back.

"Guns are illegal in this country. Maybe you didn't know. I didn't appreciate you shooting at me back there." The boy looked cocky.

The unfortunate man was looking at him with his one good eye and shaking on the ground. "No! How did...it can't be!" He put his hand into his coat and pulled out his weapon again. This time it clattered away, leaving a numb stinging in his hand. He looked up at the boy, only to have another small stone nail him right between his eyes. He didn't recover in time to get to his gun before the boy had lifted him by his neck and twisted his metal hook into a much less dangerous ring.

"Yer not gonna like this part." Ranma beat the living tar out of the man's gut before he'd hit the ground after his neck was released. He crumpled to the ground and groaned. "I'll never talk!" The man's eyes were squinted as he reached out with his ring while holding his belly with his good arm and tried to crawl away. His weapon was still twenty feet away.

The boy snorted and kicked him dead in the face. He flipped over onto his back, knocking the wind out of him. "What the heck are ya talkin about? Stupid jerk. I'll teach you not to go around with no stupid guns in my country." He lifted the man up by his chin and hooked him across his cheek with a strong left. "You ain't getting that back. I'm gonna break it." Ranma noticed the man was still looking at his firearm while on his back, and was reaching for it in a sort of delusion. The boy walked over and picked it up. Chunks of plastic clattered to the ground as the boy proceeded to turn it into a little ball of metal in his hands. "See, now remember that."

The man was looking at him with wide eyes. He was terrified. "It was Pei Chan!"

Ranma blinked. "Huh?"

"He made me do it! I work for him, if I don't do what he says, he'll kill me!" The pigtailed boy frowned and dropped the gun's remains. "My orders were to capture or kill you! Even if you kill me, he will send others!"

"What? R-Ryoga? He wouldn't do something like that, would he?" The boy's brow furrowed. "You mean that jerk put a hit on me? I'm gonna kick his ass!" He jumped away towards the rooftop he'd come from.

The unfortunate man looked relieved before his head flopped down on the pavement.

Ryoga was in the corner, looking for the fire escape he was standing right in front of. He'd yet to look down and notice it. Ranma had gotten his revenge, and there wasn't anything else of interest. He didn't feel like running across rooftops for no reason, and didn't care where he was at the moment. "I thought I saw it here somewhere."

Ranma landed with a fury burning across his body. "Ryoga! How dare you! You jerk!"

"Hey! I'm the one who should be angry! You ruined my life!" The other boy responded with a calm stare as he pulled his umbrella off his back and clenched his fist.

"So, is that your excuse?! How can you call yourself a martial artist, if you can't even take care of me yourself?" The pigtailed boy snorted and pointed his finger at his enemy. "You're not getting off so easy!"

"What are you on about?" Ryoga seemed to come down from his anger a little. His tone was more cautious. "I'm not sure I like the way this fight is going."

"We haven't started yet!" Ranma looked about ready to charge forward and tensed himself.

Ryoga took a defensive step back and put his weapon between himself and his opponent. More to buy himself a little more time to dodge than to block something he thought was coming. "If you want to fight, fine. Why? It's not like you to come after me this way. I figured you'd be satisfied with teaching that jerk a lesson."

"He told me you hired him. He said P-chan sent him." Ryoga looked confused, and once again he didn't jump forward to attack.

"What? No way!" The lost boy stepped out of his defensive stance and pointed his weapon right at the pigtailed boy's face. "I told you before Saotome. No one gets to kill you until I do."

"Well who else would P-chan be?" Ranma looked irate and crossed his arms to think about it.

"Um, Akane?" Ryoga wasn't sure why he said it. It was out of his mouth before his brain caught up. He looked bewildered for a moment after he said it. "No. There's no way Akane would do something like that."

Ranma didn't look quite as sure. "No way...she'd never...nah...I mean...um...Oh man." He seemed a bit panicked.

"On the other hand." The lost boy had a grin on his face and looked like he was lost in his own fantasies.

Ranma backed away a little with a disgusted and nervous look on his face. "Maybe it'd be better if I take off before he snaps out of it. Great. Now what? Akane wants to kill me? That ungrateful tomboy! After all the stuff I done, she...Augh! What now?" He hopped away away from the scene towards the dojo looking as though his head was starting to hurt.

OoooOOooOO

Otto was having a bad day. He was still on his back and feeling rather beaten on the street. The front wheel of his scooter was bent beyond repair, and his gun was a useless ball of metal on the road beside him. He was struggling to get to his feet and leaned onto his shoulder. Two pair of black slacks and shined shoes greeted his blurred and somewhat pink tinted vision. "Shit."

Sakura was smiling down at him with a dark glare from over a pair of sunglasses. "Hello Otto. Having a bad day?" She squatted her legs and looked him in the eye with an almost pleasant expression.

"Eh. I've had worse." The man shrugged as she took his arm and brought him to his feet.

Okami was watching the scene in silence through his shades. Both of the newcomers were dressed in black business attire. He spoke up and gripped the man's neck in an uncomfortable manner. "So, why are you here?" He relaxed a bit of pressure and moved the man towards the car. "Come on then. We'll talk on the way. Then, we'll talk a bit more. Oh, there's no need to say anything now. We'll be talking for quite some time."

"Yes. I do recall what happens next. You've got nothing on me, yet again." The gaijin snorted and didn't look very impressed by his captors. "I'll be taking a nice nap in my hotel once you've finished talking. You can talk all you want. I'm not saying anything."

The man was pushed into the back seat, and his captors slipped into the front seats. Sakura turned back to look at him. "You're in quite a state."

The man looked displeased with her and rolled his eyes. "I got mugged."

OOooOOooOO

Ranma had lost half his dinner to his father. He was sitting at the table trying to be as small as he could. He was still shoveling what food was left on his plate into his mouth. He didn't seem to notice his father's stealing, and he was thinking Mr. Tendo might be helping the old man a bit. It didn't matter much, because it was kind of hard to think about. He was almost shoulder to shoulder with his father and giving Akane and Nabiki both glances. He looked like a frightened rabbit trying to get a few bites in right next to a large predator. The youngest girl hadn't noticed that he was keeping a bit of distance between them.

The younger girl didn't seem to notice and was chatting with Kasumi, her father, and the older Saotome as if nothing was wrong.

Nabiki was glaring at him and eating at a deliberate pace. She put her hand up and brought her finger across her throat between bites.

He looked down at his plate and swallowed hard. "Crap. Now what?" As usual, his brain wasn't up to the task. His fists wouldn't do him much good at the moment either.

"Isn't that right Ranma?" Akane looked at him as if expecting a response in polite conversation.

"Yeah! Sure! Whatever you say!" The boy said it very loud and his eyes were a bit wide as he almost jumped to his feet. "Well, I'm done. Think I'll go to bed now."

Everyone at the table gave a small blink as a dust cloud filled the space the boy had once occupied. The upstairs door closed, the family looked at each other with one guest included, all of them shrugged, and went back to the meal.

Genma grumbled something about training that included the words 'cowardly boy' as he pushed the remains of his son's meal onto his plate, minus a pickle Soun had probably snatched from under his nose. It was enough though, and he grunted and dug in.

"Wow. Ranma's been kinda nice today." The youngest Tendo had the presence of mind not to say it out loud. Ever since he'd gotten back he'd been quiet, and hadn't insulted her once. She didn't notice everything he'd said was a vague and nervous agreement with whatever she'd said to him.

OooOOooOO

Ranma was sitting with his back to the door of the bedroom. He was covered in sheets and staring at the wall and window. "Now what? Aw man. What the heck is goin on anyway?"

"Ranma? What are you doing in a hotel?" Ryoga was standing in front of the window with a frown on his face.

The pigtailed boy blinked. "Huh? What the? Ryoga, you dope. This is the Tendo place."

"Whatever. I wanted to find you, so I could kill you for Akane anyway." The Hibiki boy shrugged and dropped his pack to the ground as he took a seat across from the other boy.

"I kind of figured." Ranma was trying his best to not look interested and pulled on his pigtail.

"I'll get around to it. Anyway, something doesn't seem right about this situation." Ryoga looked very serious. "I dunno. I think we've been missing something here."

"You're right. Nabiki said the guy who kidnapped her had a gun. That's two people with guns in the same neighborhood in a day." Ranma slapped his fist into his palm as he jumped to life and smirked a bit. "I was gonna come lookin for ya tomorrow anyway. Just ain't thought of a reason yet."

The lost boy nodded. "We should keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Two criminals like that in Nerima could put Akane in danger."

"You dope. If she's the one trying to kill me..."

"I ran into Nabiki in the kitchen of the Cat Cafe today. She showed me that note. These people are here for you." Ryoga frowned at him. "Akane wouldn't be into something like that."

"Well, who the heck is P-chan then?" Ranma looked irate and huddled in the covers a little more.

"I can't believe some jerk would try to frame me for your stupid murder. I can take care of that myself, and now, for Akane!" The other boy was stepping out the window and pointing his finger at Ranma with a stern frown on his face. He was being very dramatic.

"Who the heck else would know though?" Ranma was looking very suspicious, but seemed convinced anyway. "Someone else who knows about your curse? No way it's the old Ghoul. Mousse is too..."

Ryoga and Ranma looked at each other at the same time. "Mousse!"

They were both on their feet with flames of anger burning around them.

"That bastard!" cried Ryoga.

"He is so dead!" agreed Ranma.

OooOOooOO

Cologne frowned at the two boys standing in her doorway the next day. It was early in the afternoon. "I'm sorry boys. I'm afraid Mousse is too busy to play right now. What is it you wanted with him anyway."

"We're here to kill him!" Ryoga put his fist into his palm and nodded.

"Yeah. Where is the jerk!" agreed an irate looking Ranma.

"He's away on a delivery. He won't be gone long. I'll allow it, on the condition that the Son in Law finishes his shift." Cologne narrowed her eyes and poked her staff into his chest. "You're obviously not in school today, so you have time. You'll need to be in your female form. Don't complain, it's about the money, not humiliating you."

The boy hung his head. "All right, fine."

"Aiya! Ranma come to visit Shampoo? If no school Ranma can take Shampoo to date!" The Chinese girl bounced her way up to the irate boys. Ryoga softened a little bit, but more because he hated her the least of the restaurant's occupants.

The Saotome boy stiffened up like a board. "Sorry. We're here to kill Mousse today."

"Oh. Is okay. You come visit Shampoo when finished then? He is standing in way after all."

Both boys looked at her.

"I should remind you that you'll be fixing any damage to the shop during your shift. I'll be docking the cost of materials out of your pay." Cologne hopped back behind the counter and looked over at them. "He'll be coming from that direction. I trust the Son in Law can lead the way."

Ranma hung his head and grabbed Ryoga's shirt. "C'mon."

"Hey. What's wrong with meeting him here?" Ryoga resisted a bit, but allowed himself to be led along.

"Quit bein a jerk. Come on and let's take care of that jerk so we can stop being together. I can only take so much, and you're even worse about it."

"All right. I see your point. He'll get to us faster if we meet him I suppose. Though, I am planning on hanging around for a few bowls of Ramen when we finish. I just happen to have enough spare cash for it." The lost boy had gotten a rather evil smirk on his face.

"Yeah. If you can find it. Hurry up all ready. You know I hate havin a guy hanging off me."

"Yeah? Well it suits you! Cross dresser!"

OooOOooOO

TBC...

Next Time: The Chinese correction.

Dunno why I dragged this one out again. It does seem like it might be fun. It was inspired by a Bill Murray movie called 'The man who knew too little'.


	3. Chapter 3

Ranma Saotome International Man of Mystery.

File 3

Tomorrow never gets here.

OooOOooOO

The street was quiet and empty for blocks. The only sound was the buzz of a few electrical boxes. Winter had come, and the insects of summer were gone, leaving a cold silence to the streets of Nerima.

Ryoga cracked his knuckles and gave Ranma a half glance. They were leaning against the wall on the opposite sides of the street. They seemed to be looking at each other in a nasty way, but each was looking more at the wall and waiting for the first signs of their prey.

The clatter of a few tiles on the rooftops a short distance away cued them in. Both of them stood up and let their arms drop as they turned in opposite directions.

"Might get him all to myself." Ranma was pleased with the idea of Ryoga taking off in the wrong direction.

The Chinese boy landed in front of them and growled. He didn't have his carry out box with him and landed in a ready position. He seemed like he was expecting a fight. "What do you two want? I'm in a hurry!"

"What do you think?" Ranma snorted after his response and spared Ryoga an irritated glance. The lost boy hadn't moved from his side and turned around to face his opponent.

"How dare you frame me! You bat with feathers!" Ryoga pulled his umbrella off his back. "If you want to pay someone to kill Saotome, you pay me, don't try to pin it on me and let someone else do it!"

Ranma's face fell a little. "Ryoga, are you going to make me kick both your asses again?"

"Just try it!" snarled the Hibiki boy as he opened his umbrella and took a stance defensive against both of them.

"I don't have time for this! Get out of the way!" The Chinese boy seemed more agitated than afraid. "I've got something important to tell that dried up old mummy! You both know where to find me! I'm not running from you!" He took off right between them and made for the Cat Cafe.

"Huh?" The two boys looked a bit dumbstruck and looked back at the boy.

"What the heck?" Ryoga dropped his umbrella.

They both turned and started back towards the Cafe, Ranma tugging on the Hibiki boy's arm to keep him moving the right way on occasion. It wasn't far back. "Think he'd run?"

Ryoga looked at the ground and clenched his fist. "Not likely. He's a jerk and an idiot, but not a coward. Well, not often. He wouldn't run from the two of us. Maybe if we had Kuno or some of your wonderful girls."

"Since when are you so witty?" Ranma crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the boy a little. "What's up with us? Ever since we ran into that fat ugly guy we've been actin weird."

"I don't like violent people any more than you do. We might beat up a few more people than we should, but no one dies. If you're using a gun, you're not just trying to piss someone off." The lost boy snorted. "I'm not used to thinking this much. I don't like the idea of a hired killer running around."

"Yeah. That's it. Kind of sucks." Ranma nodded they reached the doorway to the restaurant. Shampoo was standing outside. "Sorry. No can visit Great Grandmother, you get stay and wait with Shampoo. Ranma so lucky!"

"Huh? What do you mean wait?" Ryoga had his umbrella out and glared at her.

The girl didn't look worried. "Not wait long. Mousse say, ask that Ranma, and Ryoga wait till he finished talking with Great Grandmother."

"Good job! Now get back and get your delivery box! I'm docking your pay, that's another delivery you could have made today!" Mousse sailed out and hit the opposite wall head first before slamming into the pavement on his back.

"Now, what is it you two wanted?" The boy sat up and checked his glasses over for a moment. He didn't look quite right doing it, and put them on again a bit skewed. He fell back out cold.

"Great. Now what?" Ranma hung his head.

"Now you take Shampoo to date?" The girl bounced up and down clapping her hands.

"Shampoo, I'm afraid you must come inside. Mousse has work to do. Son in law. I know enough about Mousse to tell you that even if he wanted too. He could not afford to hire such a man. He lives by our laws even here. He has money, but he must request permission to access it from His wife, mother, or in this case caretaker. I allow him to carry a small amount it's true. He is not the one you seek on this matter. He told me what the Hibiki boy said to him. I am in a position to assure you that it is not true. I would not allow it."

"What? What do you mean?" Ryoga clenched his fist and lifted the boy up by his shirt while rearing back to punch him in the face.

"You idiot! Don't punch him! We want him to wake up! Slap him!" Ranma kicked the unfortunate Mousse in the ribs and glared down at them.

The old woman sighed. "Listen to me both of you. Mousse wants very badly to kill you both. His views about Honor are similar to yours in this regard. If he is to kill you, he will do it on his own. Son in Law, as much as I'd enjoy you showing off for your future wife. Mousse has duties to see too. Unless you wish to fill in for him, I suggest you leave him be for now. I doubt he'll have time to be much trouble for you in the future."

"Fine." The Hibiki boy gave him a sound slap just in case and stood up.

"Yeah." Ranma turned and started walking.

"You heading for the Tendo place?" The pigtailed boy glanced at his rival as he walked towards his home.

"Yeah. Mr. Tendo gave me permission to spend the night in the dojo whenever I'm in the area."

"Just stay out of the pond will ya?" The other boy shoved his hands into his pockets and picked up the pace a bit.

Ryoga was too distracted to respond as he noticed something hiding in an alleyway nearby. "Hey. Isn't that Nabiki?"

"What?" Ranma gasped and froze in place.

The girl stepped out of an alleyway right beside him. "Hi, Ranma."

"Um. Hi, Nabiki." The unfortunate pigtailed boy shuddered as she moved right up beside him. He wasn't sure how she was doing it, but he was pretty sure he didn't have a choice about walking with her.

Ryoga had a smirk on his face as he walked up beside her. "Don't get the wrong idea or anything, but what has he done now?"

"That jerk with the gun was looking for him." Nabiki narrowed her eyes at the pigtailed boy.

"What?" The Hibiki boy seemed confused.

"He didn't tell you? Some jerk with a gun kidnapped me and held me hostage all last night." The girl seemed pleased with what she was doing to him.

The unfortunate pigtailed boy was sweating bullets on her arm.

"We ran into someone else with a gun yesterday." Ryoga didn't put the blame on the boy on her arm as usual. He turned his eyes forward, using them as guides to get where he was going.

"Staying over to play with Ranma tonight or something?" The girl looked a bit annoyed. Both of them were distracted, only Ranma's was mixed with a layer of nervousness. They were being too quiet, and it didn't take long for Ranma to stick his foot in his mouth often. "What's going on?"

The shivering pigtailed boy looked down at her and finally spoke. "We're still workin on that one."

OooOOooOO

Otto grinned just around a nearby corner. He had several rings on his hook that jingled a bit. None of the teens noticed it. He chucked several small green canisters around the corner, the wind was right and they didn't have a prayer. A haze of thick mist filled the entire street down the road downwind of him.

"I've got you for sure this time. Heh."

OooOOooOO

Akane Tendo was walking down the street in her uniform. Her sister hadn't come back yet. Her eldest sister had gotten worried, and now she was on her way to find her, and her idiot fiancee. Though, he hadn't been that bad in recent times.

She stepped around a corner and paused. Up the road she could see Ranma and Nabiki. Ryoga was behind them, and they all seemed to be talking. She frowned a bit as her sister's grip on his arm caught her attention. "That two timing jerk! How dare he!"

She fumed for a bit, something in the back of her mind telling her something about a hissing sound didn't catch her notice, nor the odd smell in the air.

"Ranma! Die!" She screamed and started forward. Her eyes went blurry as she leaned against the wall looking woozy. "What? Not again!"

OooOOooOO

Ryoga looked a bit excited as he heard a familiar call. "Hey! It's Akane!" The tone of his voice made it obvious he was looking forward to watching her cream him. It was the only thing she used that tone for.

The boy and her elder sister froze up. The older girl stepped forward. "It's not what you think! Don't be so..." She put her hand to her forehead and fell forward onto her knees. "What the?" She turned to look back. Ranma and Ryoga were both on the ground, awake, but struggling to do so. Her world went spinning and it took her a moment to realize she was on her back.

"Ha ha ha! Well, looks like I get to kill the lot of you. All at once." A familiar voice, and another reason to try and overpower the sensation that had washed over her. She heard something click and the gaijin madman stood over her. He was holding a large machine gun, she couldn't put a name to the AK-47. The glint of the metal on his platinum teeth shined the sun right into her eyes as she looked down the barrel. "I'll get to you sweetheart."

He looked up and started firing. She heard Ranma and Ryoga call her name in a weak and slurred way.

It sounded like gunfire from every direction. The man standing over her stepped away, firing as he moved. There was a smell, like burnt rubber, and the gunfire pounded against her skin, even though she couldn't really hear it any longer.

"Shit." She struggled to crawl onto her belly.

The last thing she saw, was two pairs of black shined shoes and the bottom of two pairs of black slacks.

OooOOooOO

Ranma Saotome was nervous. He was standing in the middle of a bright white office with black furniture. It wasn't a calming effect at all. Akane was the only thing on his mind, he didn't know what to make of her. It was a little frustrating, and he couldn't put his thoughts anywhere else, despite his position. "She wouldn't do some thing like that to her own sister. It's not like there's anything that would..." It wasn't the first time something like that had come up in his mind since he'd woken up on the black couch behind him. It shut down before it went any farther. "Who else could it be?" He was standing against the wall in the empty room. "It's not Ryoga, I'm sure of it."

He was looking around for an exit and waiting for his own patience to run out."It couldn't be Akane. I mean, she likes Ryoga. It's not like she's figured..." Once again his brain hit a wall he didn't want to jump over.

"Oh man. Akane wants to kill me! For real!" His eyes went wide and fearful. "Where the heck am I anyway?" There didn't look like there was a door in the room. It wouldn't take long for him to get frustrated enough to make one.

A section of wall popped open and a man dressed in a suit and tie with a warm grin on his face appeared before him. "Mr. Saotome, this way. We'll get you back with your friends and give you a bit of time to catch up before we speak with you. We've got an interesting offer. My name is Okami. I'll be speaking with you with my partner shortly."

"Huh?" The boy looked confused and did as he was asked. He found himself in a long empty hallway with lots of doors. They spent about three minutes walking down what seemed like and endless hallway with hundreds of doors before Ranma spoke up again to his guide. "What's goin on? Am I dreamin or somethin?"

"No." The man opened a door and Ranma walked in. He didn't expect what he'd found. It was a room with cement walls and a single lamp hanging from a chain over a table full of guns, grenades, ammunition, and a few pounds of C-4 already prepared with electronic fuses. There was a single chair in front of all of it. Ryoga and Nabiki were standing against the wall looking at the table, neither one said anything as the pigtailed boy was shown in. The door closed behind them leaving them alone.

Both of the boys looked at each other and walked up to the table at the same time.

"Now what?" asked Ryoga.

"Guess we should get ready." The other cursed boy gave him a serious looking nod. Ranma glanced over at Nabiki as he picked up a handgun and inspected it. His hands moved in fluid motions, checking the array of firearms in front of him.

"You know how to use these?" The girl was somewhat dumbstruck and stepped back with a sort of horrified expression.

"Sure." Both of them replied at the same time as they started putting them on. Before long, a table full of small arms was tucked away in their clothes on various straps. They had both stripped down to their shorts to do it. She couldn't see a sign of any of the weapons when they finished. Ryoga had stuffed most of the explosives into his pack, but Ranma had taken at least a few grenades, and some red canisters as well.

"It's Anything Goes. What? Your dad didn't teach Akane?" Ranma looked a bit surprised. "Not everywhere is Japan. There's a lot of places with all kinds of dangerous stuff."

"What about the martial arts code or something?" The girl was pressed against the wall and looked a bit alarmed. "Where did it all go anyway?"

"We've both fought Mousse a couple times." Ranma seemed a bit surprised to hear it.

"Not really, a firearm is just a sword with a longer reach." Ryoga shrugged her comment off. "Do we know what's going on yet?"

"Not a clue." Nabiki slumped her shoulders and looked somewhat defeated as she sat down at the only chair at the table and put her head down right in front of a small handgun. It was right in front of her forehead with a harness just to it's right. "What? Too small for you?"

"No. You might need it. We don't know what's going on here. Has anyone told you who they are or what's going on here?" Ranma had a very serious look on his face.

"What?" She looked up at him.

Ryoga spoke up and pushed it towards her as she sat up a bit. "He's right. They wouldn't have put this all here if they didn't expect us to take it. That handgun is small enough for you to handle. You've never fired before, it won't kick much."

"Aim for the chest." Ranma nodded at her and slapped her on the shoulder. "Stick with us. You might not need it. Don't worry about it unless ya have ta. We'll be around, don't worry."

"You're serious?" What little color had been left in the girl's face drained away. "What the hell did you get me into?" She gripped it and the holster, it took a bit of trickery, but she managed to put it around her shoulder comfortably without taking off her shirt.

The lost boy seemed a little amused at her fumbling. "We'll show you how it works once we get someplace safer. Stick with Ranma."

"No kidding." The girl was already latched onto his back as she abandoned her chair and moved up behind the most familiar of the pair.

The door opened and two voices spoke to them, one male, the other female.

"Come on."

"Follow us."

Everyone looked up at the doorway. A man and a woman were looking down at them. The man spoke up first. "I am Okami, and this is Sakura. We'd like to hire the services of your respective dojo. Don't worry about the weapons, you'll be needing them I think. I'm afraid it will take you quite a way outside of Japan. Don't worry about the gun laws here."

The woman nodded. They were all being led down the hall. It was a bit surreal to have two people hanging off of him. Each with their own reason.

"Ryoga. Look, I'm there if ya need me fer now, but do ya have ta? I mean, we're walkin down a hall man."

"Shut up Saotome. I don't care much for this place."

"Sorry. It was the safest place we could speak to you. We'll be paying ten million yen a piece on completion of the job." The woman grinned as she heard a collective suction of air behind her. "We'll be your contacts, you should already have what you need. We'll be sending you something a little later to help you along. We'll be supplying you along the way."

Ryoga seemed to snap out of it first. "Ten million? For what?" He looked very interested and was muttering under his breath. "Please be 'kill Ranma'!" over and over.

The Saotome boy was also very interested, but stepped a few paces from his rival.

The hall had seemed endless for a bit, but the wall with what looked like a garage door. Okami started talking. "We have a mutual enemy. Don't worry. We don't want you to be hit men. Just delivery men." The group walked up to a doorway that looked more like a security gate than anything else. Behind it was a pile of small boxes. "Despite popular belief, you can't mail something just anywhere. Each package contains something very important, it must be delivered to the exact place written on the package at any cost, and we do mean any cost. I feel you should be warned, you will need your skills to deliver them."

The boys looked up at him as he handed Ranma a small light box. It had something inside it, but it felt firmly in place as he shook it. "What is it?"

"Electronics mostly. Nothing that will explode or anything. We gave you enough of that after all." The woman gave a small shrug.

"When you've finished your first drop. We'll contact you with instructions. Here are your new passports, thirty thousand yen in various currencies, and directions to your first delivery location. Your expenses are covered, we won't be deducting any of it from your pay. Don't trust anyone. You must deliver this in person, yourself. At no time will it be acceptable to allow anyone else to handle the package."

"Is this legal?" Nabiki was perplexed and stunned as she continued to hang off her sister's fiancee's back.

"Well, I suppose you know we'd only hire people like you for a certain kind of job. I wouldn't recommend using those weapons until your next delivery. You're still in Japan, and we can't protect you from it's laws. Shouldn't be very hard, this time." He waved his arm as the truck parked in front of them pulled out, revealing a vacant lot not that far from Nerima. The sun was drifting below the horizon. "You start right now. I suggest you get moving. We'd like to complete our transaction as quickly as possible. It will give you a shot at your new friend. He'll be looking to stop you."

"You shoulda just said that to begin with." Ranma glared at the man.

"Well, it's a pleasure." The trio jumped down and onto the ground as Okami gave a small wave. The door closed behind them in a rather final manner.

The three teens were standing around in a dusty dirt field looking confused. Nabiki stepped away from the pigtailed boy and gave a small sigh. Both boys stepped apart as well, stretching their arms and legs a little while the girl stood between them.

"Well, are you coming?" Ryoga arched his eyebrow at her as he realized she'd not yet taken off and was looking at the both of them with wide eyes. "I halfway expected you to start running home as soon as they let us out."

"Let her be. I ain't so sure she should be here. I can't make her turn away from that kind of money either. Look, I'll help ya out if ya want. It gets too bad, and I can't promise I can bring ya back. Ya ain't Akane." He paused. "Well, that ain't what I meant neither. Look, Once I start this..."

The girl looked a bit annoyed, but backed off. "I know. No coming back and all. No way. Ten Million? I've got no choice but to try, even if it kills me!"

"Yeah. If Akane doesn't first." The pigtailed boy nodded he seemed to get frustrated and stomped his foot kicking up a bit of dust. "She's the one who hired that jerk! Don't ya get it?" He turned to look at everyone else. "We can't just go back to the dojo. We gotta do somethin. We can figure it out on the way to wherever this job thing goes. I get that money, and I won't need a stupid dojo!"

"Huh?" Nabiki started laughing. "Are you nuts?"

"Nope. She's got reason enough ta kill us all. Look, she don't want to marry me, you've been takin all those pictures and stuff, and Ryoga here...well..."

"Don't you dare Saotome!" Ryoga lit up with a fires of rage and puffed his chest out.

The pigtailed boy snapped at him and jabbed his finger in his direction. They were all standing in a circle facing each other by this point. "Well. Sorry pal. She's onto you. That guy was gonna kill all of us, not just me."

He deflated and got a wide eyed slacked jawed look on his face. "Oh no! Not Akane!"

"At least ya still got Akari." Ranma looked pretty downcast and turned away walking away from the scene at a slow pace. The other two followed just behind him.

Nabiki was trying to just brush it off and act smug, but her brain wouldn't let her. "Akane? No way! She would never! I mean...I...All right, maybe you, but me? I mean, I'm her sister..." Her voice died out a bit. "My god. Akane? What do we do?"

Ranma gave her a weak smile and lifted the box up. "We got time ta think about it. I ain't gonna hurt her or nuthin. I just gotta get her to stop. Then, I ain't gonna bother her anymore. That's for sure." He turned and started sniffling and crying as he shuffled away. It was a pitiful sight, but no one noticed, because all three of them were hiding similar expressions as they walked away from Nerima and towards the city.

OooOOooOO

Akane Tendo woke up and coughed into the dust on top of the concrete under her. "Wha? Where?" She jerked around, expecting to be in some stupid prince's dungeon. The girl gasped as she didn't find herself in a lair of any kind. No sign of a cure for Ranma as far as the eye could see. She was right where she had landed, face down beside a wall she had once been leaning on.

She got to her feet feeling a bit light headed and staggered for a moment as her vision came into focus. She looked around, appearing almost drunk and confused. "What happened?" The other three were gone. She seemed to snap awake as she became angry. "What? They just left me here?" An aura started to burn around her as she turned and dashed back towards the dojo. "I'll kill them!"

OooOOooOO

"Ranma hasn't come back yet. I'm worried about Nabiki a little, but she probably with him. You know how he can be sometimes. He'll be fine." The older girl looked like she was trying to be strong and failing at it.

Akane was glaring at her after storming in, but it faded away as she stared at the bottom of the cabinets near the floor. "Wait. There was someone..." Her jaw dropped and she looked up at her sister. "Oh no! Ranma's been kidnapped!" She turned and put her hand against her chest. "I've got to save him!" She lit up and got a huge grin as she put her fist into the air. "At last! It's my turn!"

Kasumi had frozen and was giving her sister a confused stare. She was frozen in the act of mixing something in a large bowl with a wooden spoon and almost dropped it. "Um, what?"

"Sorry Kasumi, tell dad for me will you? I've got to go and rescue Ranma!" The girl was bouncing off the walls almost as she rushed away up the stairs to start packing. "Don't worry Ranma! I'll be there soon to pay you back!" She closed her door and the sign with her name on it fell to the floor.

Soun glanced over at Genma at the table as he ruffled the paper a bit. "I wonder what that was about? It's getting late, I hope Ranma returns soon. Might have to change the wedding plans a bit, eh Saotome?"

"Hmm, maybe so Tendo." His friend nodded and didn't seem to care one lick about what was going on around him. He was thinking over a cup of tea and gave Soun a small grin as he turned to look over at him. "Who knows, maybe he likes older women?"

"Well, I suppose it's a bit early to celebrate. We'll give them an hour." Soun looked quite proud. "My daughter Nabiki is quite a girl as well you know."

Genma was thinking only of liquor. "Indeed Tendo. I almost think it's a shame I'm not younger and single."

"I wouldn't go quite that far, Saotome." Soun looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, naturally. You're the father. Saotome men are known for our prowess after all." Genma gave a hearty slap on the back.

"Dear, Ranma hasn't returned yet." Nodoka walked up to the table from outside. She was finishing up some laundry so Kasumi could get started on dinner.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine." Genma ignored her concern. "He's a strong boy, and he gets into a bit of trouble from time to time. It's healthy. I was the same way after all."

Nodoka turned away to help Kasumi in the kitchen. She wasn't satisfied by the answer too much, but it did make her feel better. He was a very manly boy after all. It hadn't escaped her attention that the middle Tendo sister was missing. "Oh, I do hope he's careful. I'm sure Akane wouldn't be pleased." Her cheeks became a bit pink as she thought about it.

None of them noticed Akane slip out of her window in her dogi with a pack on her back. She left behind a note on her desk. "Ranma and Nabiki kidnapped. Gone to save them! Don't worry! Akane!" She'd left a crude ugly drawing of what was supposed to look like a cute panda with a grin with it's tongue sticking out of it's mouth at the bottom of the page, with hearts that looked more like diamonds and squares, and balloons and sparkles that looked like snakes with swasticas scattered around it..

OooOOooOO

No more than two hours later, Soun was crying at his table. His head was buried in his arms as he let out deep bellows of anguish. Everyone was somewhat used to it. Kasumi had tea set out and was patting him on the back. "My babbbyyyy! Oh no! Poor Akane!"

"There, there. I'm sure Ranma will save her." Kasumi tried to comfort him.

"Husband, I'm worried." Nodoka was wringing a handkerchief in her hand as she looked at the note. "Akane must be worried. Look at this horrible picture! She must be in so much pain! I hope she's all right."

"Don't worry dear. Well, that's quite a dog...with three ears." Genma laughed and tried his best to make her feel better. He wasn't worried at all really. "This sort of thing happens all the time around here. They'll grow out if it."

"Oh, I suppose you're right, Saotome." That helped calm Soun a little as well as his wife.

"That's the spirit! Don't worry, Tendo!" Genma was pleased with himself for raising moral. "Why, who knows? When this is over, we might have a few grandchildren!"

Kasumi looked at the note again as well. "Yes. It looks like a very happy cat biting it's own tongue off, it's quite...malevolent." Her face contorted a bit as she handed what looked like some sort of satanic symbol back to her father.

"No, I think it's a cow eating it's own legs. See, this is an udder. Akane can be..quite creative?" He pushed it away and sighed. "Still, I can't help but worry about my poor Akane! All alone out there!" He put his head into his arms and continued to cry.

"Well, I suppose we could use a drink. It'll help." Genma poured the four of them a round of sake. "Don't worry, Kasumi dear, just a bit won't hurt."

"Yes. Just one though." Nodoka gave a serious looking nod and sighed a little. It would help take some of the bite out of the worrying. Having the men drunk would be enough. It would quiet them down for a while.

OooOOooOO

Damn it! This is turning out to be awesome! : Heh.

Next Time: Tokyo Express


End file.
